God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize