Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
