: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I have aggressive nipples.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
