The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
