Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
