My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
