Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
