she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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