The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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