Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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