im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
