So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
