Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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