It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
