I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
