You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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