Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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