Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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