living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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