god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
