i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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