his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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