Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
