if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
