I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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