4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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