ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
