i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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