i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
