He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Text me some of your sweat
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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