I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
