There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
