Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
