There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
