I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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