I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
