So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
