Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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