if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Floor bacon is actually really good
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
