I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
there is puke in my bra ... again
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