totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The beer is more important than you right now.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
