the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
