I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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