just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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