my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
