We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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