I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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