My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
