Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
