look no pants
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
